About the responsibility of the coach and the client
While studying coaching at Erickson University, I actively earned hours of practice. Not only for the certificate, but also because I have already chosen coaching as my main activity for a year and am developing in it.
It so happened that clients of about the same type come to me in coaching: men 30 + entrepreneurs with an income of 150 thousand +. I am absolutely comfortable working with them, they are also satisfied, because they get the result: income growth, business scaling, getting out of burnout into a resource state, building a life balance, etc.
During my training, two men came to me with about the same situation: everything seems to be fine in life (there is a job, income, family, apartment, car), but there is no pleasure, drive, overachievement, as before. And this phrase, the same for both, is "As if I lost myself"...
At first, I was even lost, because they just couldn't voice what they wanted! As if there is a fear of even just wanting something, and even more so - to voice it. And when they voiced something, it was very formal: to increase income by 2 times, launch a new business, travel 6 times a year ... And it seemed to sound beautiful, but it did not cause energy and desire in customers to go for it. As if the wishes are not true.
And so two clients came with approximately the same request, but received completely different results… One person after the 5th session became a completely different person: cheerful, energetic, with burning eyes, with goals and understanding how to come to them, as if he woke up and, as he said, "found himself"! Our interaction ended with a video review from him with great gratitude. At the moment, I consider this case to be the strongest in my practice!
But the interaction with the second client is over... it's not even clear if it's over or not… He just stopped contacting after the 3rd session and most likely became convinced that "all this coaching is nonsense, it doesn't work."
The same coach, approximately the same request, approximately the same social status of clients, what is the difference? I will share my observations on this.
Firstly, the attitude to coaching. Both clients were initially wary, and this is understandable - their first experience working with a coach. Also, both of them said that they are quite closed in life, they do not like to share their feelings and thoughts.
But if the first client was determined to trust and try, then the second one was to make sure that it was nonsense. How I understood it:
- For work in the session. The first client answered questions, even if they were not familiar to him, and came to important insights for himself. The second one seemed to be looking for a trick all the time: "Well, how is it accepted here, what should I do here? And why is it customary for you like this? And what, can't it be done differently? Then why do we need a coach at all?" etc.
- By actions between sessions. The first client performed tasks that he took to himself between sessions, noted progress. And the second one at the next session completely forgot what happened at the previous one, asked him to remind him, and when he heard it, he was surprised: "In short, I was talking some nonsense, it's not clear what it's about at all"
- By nonverbal signs. The openness and positive attitude of the first client contrasted very strongly with the skepticism and closeness of the second even by the time of the 3rd session.
Secondly, the goal of coaching and interest in the result. If it was felt with the first client that it was important for him to get a result and he wants changes. Then there was constant resistance from the second client. And sometimes it seemed as if the result and the whole process of coaching were needed not by the client for life changes, but by the coach for hours of practice.
Thirdly, what seemed to me the most important, the willingness to take responsibility! Of course, it's hard to realize that you've been going the wrong way for the last 7 years. It is difficult to admit your desires to yourself if, as it seems, they are not real in the current situation. I don't want to strain myself if, in general, formally and so everything is fine. As a coach, I had infinite faith in both clients, relying on the principles of Milton Erickson, I understood that both have all the resources to achieve their goals… And when comparing these two cases, I realized that if there is no willingness to take responsibility, changes will not happen, no matter how many resources a person has.
At what point did the gap between the clients' results occur?
By the 3rd session, I noticed with both the first and the second client that we were marking time, and resorted to direct communication: "I am a coach and we work in partnership. I create a space in which you can hear yourself, understand your desires, set goals, reveal your resources, and outline a plan of action. But you are responsible for your results, because it is you who make the final decisions and act. Therefore, you have to decide whether to go into changes or not. And take responsibility for your results."
And it was after this moment that the first client had a breakthrough: he finally voiced his true goals that ignite him. And the second one disappeared from the connection...
I believe that the situation has been resolved in the best way for everyone. The first client got his cool result. The second one was convinced that coaching is nonsense and does not work. I have experienced in practice what I can influence as a coach, and where the client's area of responsibility is. And despite the seemingly failed case with the second client, I was even more convinced of the power of coaching and realized what ingredients are needed for a cool result!
Ksenia Brukshtyn
coach for entrepreneurs, business psychologist
